I’m thankful for childhood friends from Queen Anne and Bellevue who still take the time to say happy birthday even though they knew me as the juvenile I was (and still am in many ways).
I’m thankful for my high school friends in Kentucky for their birthday wishes, because they accepted me at a time when was a long way from where I started.
I’m thankful to my college friends and their wishes because they put up with my mullet and tennis shorts that were so tight it’s surprising my voice ever changed, and because they were there to help me grow up a bit.
I’m thankful to my graduate school and 20’s friends because you watched me discover who I was, and who I was becoming, and you helped me gain the confidence to become an adult (whatever that means).
From North Queen Anne, to Bellevue Christian, to Jessamine County, to Seattle Pacific, and to Claremont…thanks to all of you.
I’m thankful for my church community through Eastlake and their wishes because we are now doing life together, raising kids, serving together, and trying to figure out how to be obedient and closer to God while being human.
I’m thankful for the birthday wishes from my friends who are a part of our community in Kirkland, and the opportunity to do life together, support and love our kids, and for the opportunity to coach your kids in basketball and soccer.
I’m thankful to the friends who have been around through big parts of all of that, knew me as a pressured teenager looking to get into a little trouble (from bottle rocket wars to naughty things with mail boxes and snowmen, from dorm room games to cemeteries, and from the Red Door to the 318, and from Jalisco’s to Targies to the High Brow). You have had my back for decades and because of that, I’m so thankful.
I’m thankful for the wishes from those with whom I work. You impact my life every day. Work has been very good to me. I can’t believe what I get to do and who I have had the opportunity to work with. From SPU to Boeing and Microsoft, from Heineken to Foster Farms to the Free Methodist Church, and from RTDS to Bad Bobby and beyond. My work life is filled with people who are amazing at what they do and deeply invested in architecting hope and possibility into the lives of human beings.
I’m thankful to my students and former students who took the time to wish me a happy birthday. Sometimes it’s good to be reminded that what you do and say matters. From Azusa, to Degree Completion, from OB to I/O…thanks to all of you.
I’m thankful to my extended family and friends of family. You have imprinted on my life in ways that I cannot fully understand in such powerful ways. Thank you for your birthday wishes.
I’m thankful for the birthday wishes from my wife Jackie. Enough said….
I’m so thankful for the warm birthday wishes from my sons…they do love birthdays! And for the annual gift of sharing my birthday with Ryan. What an awesome thing.
If I missed any of you, it’s not because I’m not thankful for you, but because I’m still the same guy you have always known who doesn’t catch every detail, but I’m thankful for you and your wishes.
I haven’t always invested in the facebook birthday wishes, but today it made me realize how good it made me feel that even though some of you saw me through some really awkward times, successes, failures, and even mistakes, you still took the time to send birthday wishes. Anyway, thanks y’all. You had an impact on me today.

If you haven’t been following the events on facebook, here’s the link. 

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/HL2seattle?ref=mf

So far the lessons for me are many, but here’s a sampling. 

1.  It’s not about giving up everything you have, but about being aware of what you think you need, and thinking first of what you have.  Haitian kids who had lost limbs and had very little food or water and still were smiling, taught me that lesson.
2. Dominicans have a different way of thinking about time.  It is more important to take the time to have a conversation with you on the street than be on time to my next meeting.  Relationship matters here.  That said, that may contribute to some of the economic issues the country faces. 
3. The last 500 years have taken this country through many peaks and valleys and impacts how Dominicans perceive their world.
4. Strong-connected leadership matters everywhere.  The concept of differentiation and sacrifice matter for the leaders I’ve worked with here too.
5. Leaders must set up boundaries and take the heat for it.
6. Ph.D. programs in psychology should still require a second language like they used to.
7. I miss my wife and boys so much on this trip.
8. The dislike and mutual fear between Haitians and Dominicans runs deep, but this tragedy brought them closer.  The language barrier plays a huge role in that.  Because they don’t understand each other, it makes trust very difficult.
9. The children in the Bateys (Haitian villages with many refugees) were the poorest of the poor, and they broke me in half.  I fell in love with them.  These kids have nothing, nothing, nothing, by western standards..and they were still joyful.
10. When we entered villages, I was approached by certain kids right away.  It made me wonder whether the same big 5 characteristics show up here too.  Ironically, the two boys that my wife and I will be sponsoring were both completely introverted (3 and 6 years old).   
11. The people here are thankful when they have good work.  The idea of doing what I love first and foremost is not the first thing you think about when jobs are scarce.  Proving yourself a trustworthy worker comes first.  If you drop the ball, you lose your job.

Lessons about myself.

1. My heart runs deep for children.
2. I am more than committed than ever to developing leaders in the toughest of times, meaningful times.
3. Leadership is soooooo important.  Our work will continue in urgency.
4. I must continue to be vulnerable, and take risks for the sake of those I am accountable for.
5. I am so thankful for my job, my wife, my students, my children, my life….for you.

More later.  I will see you all soon.  Lead on. I apologize for the typos….

Rob McKenna

What are the most meaningful conversations you are having right now?  What conversations are happening in your life that after which you are changed in small or large ways, forever?  I’m not sure what they look like for you, but for me, these types of conversations are sometimes brief and sometimes take place over time.  In many cases they come out of nowhere, or from people that I least expected to make an impact on me.  These conversations are real.  They are conversations where I’m called out and asked to stop being an imposter in my own skin.  These conversations are often intentional.  They point me toward being or doing something different in my life.  These conversations are encouraging and challenging in the same moment.  They remind me that I have value and that I’m in process.  Finally, these conversations are real time.  They are connected to the things I’m doing and being today. 

Along with you and others, I want to create spaces where leaders of all kinds, from parents to presidents, can get real about the things that are pushing them to the edge, the things that excite them, and get feedback from trusted mentors, peers, and from those following them about where they are going and why.  Those who are contributing to this blog are leaders, emerging leaders, parents, and even volunteer leaders who are interested in changing the world of work and leadership by having the conversations you used to have over coffee or a drink, but now rarely have the time for. 

This is not only a place to get the conversations going for you, it’s also a place to remind yourself that there are hundreds of emerging leaders who need you to start the conversation for them, or at least be willing to help them know where to start. 

So, if you are a leader or emerging leader of some kind, let’s start the conversation…

Everyone has pivotal moments in their lives. In my sophomore year of college, my college advisor connected me with a professor in the business school who had a degree in industrial/organizational psychology, a new career direction that I was pretty sure was the one for me. I met with this professor and twenty minutes into the meeting he commented, “What you really need is an internship – just a minute.” He turned around, picked up the phone, talked for a few minutes, and then handed the phone to me. I said hello and before I knew it, I had an interview the following week with Lise Saari, a research scientist in industrial/organizational psychology. That conversation led to a one-year internship and a three-year job at a research institute. After I finished my doctoral training, Lise was offered me a job back in Seattle to work for her at The Boeing Company. All of this happened because of one conversation and one phone call. A colleague of mine tells a similar story. When she was in college, one of her term papers came back with a note from the professor in the margin stating, “Don’t write like this when you go to graduate school.” Her reaction? “He thinks I can go to graduate school!” And, that little comment scrawled in the margin opened up possibilities she had never considered and changed the direction of her life.

What do I believe? I believe that inflection points happen all of the time. A new story is always waiting to emerge. We just miss most of them. Every day, the road divides and we decide which one we want to take. Susan Scott writes in her book Fierce Conversations, “While no single conversation is guaranteed to change the trajectory of a career, a business, a marriage, or a life, any single conversation can.” Change might be just around the corner.

 Now, sometimes we know we’re at a point. We ask someone to marry us, a pregnancy test comes back positive, we accept a job that will move us across the country. Sometimes the choices are small, but add up over time – do we work late or get home for dinner on time? Sometimes we know that the stakes are high. We take the leap. We proceed on faith, hoping that the future will be kind to us, and we will survive. I begin writing a book hoping that the hundreds of hours it will take aren’t wasted of time.

 Our own reflection points are important, but maybe the greatest moments are when we have the privilege of being pivotal points for others. I’m sure that you know some people in your life who are those people. I do. Remember that professor who connected me with my first internship? Remember the professor who wrote that comment about graduate school on my colleague’s paper? It  was the same person. Before you dismiss this, let me add one more fact – my colleague went to school in Illinois and I went to school in Seattle. We didn’t know each other until we met fifteen years later. The only thing in common in these two stories was the person, Doug McKenna, who connected with both of us in a way that opened new horizons in our lives.

 We all have reflection points in our lives. The question then becomes, how do we take advantage of them? Albert Bandura, a famous social psychologist, wrote a now classic article called, “The psychology of chance encounters and life paths”[i] where he made the point that we can never control the chance encounters in our lives, but we can influence how much impact that they will have on us. Two-thousand years earlier, Seneca, the Roman philosopher wrote, “Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.” Is this true? Mounting evidences suggests that it is. There aren’t many female orchestra conductors in the world, but there are a few. To find out what made the difference in their careers, researchers interviewed several of them to figure out what made the difference. They found that chance did play a role in their lives, but so did something the author called pseudoserendipity, accidentally finding something that you were seeking – where preparedness meets chance. The women who eventually became orchestra conductors were ready when opportunity presented itself. What made the difference? Strong skills, self-confidence, a willingness to take risks, hard work, a drive to succeed, optimism, social support and a bias to seek out opportunities.[ii]

 Taking Action

Reflect on the pivot points in your life. What have been some of the pivotal moments in your life? Make a list of at least five of the moments in your life when everything changed. It might have been a conversation that you had, a decision you made, or a life-changing moment in your journey. Now, select two of the positive inflection points. Now, take some time to think about what made the difference – What about you allowed them to become such defining moments in your life? After all, they might not have been inflection points for someone else.

 Set yourself up for success. Look back over what you just wrote. How can you use those same skills to prepare yourself for your next big leap? Just for fun, picture a significant goal that you would like to accomplish in the next five years (a dream you would like to pursue, a new career direction, a change in your life’s priorities). How can you apply the strategies you identified above to prepare for this future opportunity? What is a small step you can take today to start moving toward that goal?

Do a little detective work. Have lunch with a couple of friends. Ask them to tell you about some of the pivotal moments in their lives. Find out what made the difference for them; that is, what prepared them so they could take advantageous of the opportunities when they emerged?

Remember the people who made a difference in your life. Who have been the people in your life who became inflection points? What did they do for you? Have you ever said thank you?

Become an inflection point for others. Think about how you can be the kind of person who makes a difference in the lives of the people who bump into you. Set aside a day and practice being that kind of person. Practice being the kind of person who Look for the potential in others. Be the kind of person who energizes and brings life to others.

[1] Bandura, A. (1982). The psychology of chance encounters and life paths. American Psychologist, 37, 747-755.

[1] Diaz, C. L., Serendipity and pseudoserendiptity in career paths of successful women: Orchestra conductors. Creativity Research Journal, 16(2/3), 345-356. See also Williams, E. N., Soeprapto, E., Like, K., Touradji, P., Hess, S., & Hill, C. E. (1998). Perceptions of serendipity: Career paths of prominent academic women in counseling psychology. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 45. 379-389.

Today I’m heading in for a two level spinal fusion….for anyone who’s interested…it’s a fusion at L4-L5 and L5-S1. While it may seem extreme, I’m pretty excited about it. A good friend of mine had a similar procedure 2 weeks ago, so I’ve had a chance to learn from him and also watch him maintain his own spirits as he gets better.
Even though I hate taking a surgical option, I’ve learned so much along the way. Here are a few of those lessons.
1. Make sure you invest in other people, especially when you body or your brain is telling you it’s all about you. So many people have invested in me, even people who didn’t know me that well. Some have prayed, some have mowed my lawn, some have just made the time to ask how I’m doing. Amazing people…I want to be more like them.
2. Our bodies will fail us. I have never been more aware of the fact that my soul resides in a body that is, and will, fail me over time. This isn’t a grim reality, just a reality.
3. My wife is unbelievable. I love her more today than I ever have. She’s scary great. She loves me in spite of my little stupid things, and she is such an amazing mom.
4. My boys are becoming little men. This morning I had the chance to tell them that they are the men of the house while daddy’s in the hospital next week. They have taken the charge and get it. (we’ll see about that one…they are 6 and 7).
5. My friends are generous and my friendships to them are deep. I am blessed. They have my back.
6. It’s hard to take things from people when they offer help. Not because it’s so hard, but because sometimes the help offered creates more work…..most of the time it doesn’t, but you know what I mean. It’s complicated. We all just need to help each other more and be fine if we can’t too.
7. I have a great job. I just do. For as long as I have it, I have a great job that is made up of people who you just want to be around.
8. God is good. He just is.

I’m so excited to be on the other side of this. Back pain has been a part of my reality for 20 years (unbelievable). That’s not a sob story, it’s just a reality. I don’t know anything different. It’s going to be good.

Rob

There’s no doubt that goal setting is important. We know it works. But, the fact is that we know it works for people who set goals. If it’s such a good idea, then why is it so hard to set goals? I think it’s really interesting to think about the times in your life when you’ve been able to achieve something very meaningful to you and then think about what it is that allowed you to set the goal, and then go after it. Think about the last time you set a goal and you knew that you would chase that goal, or you knew you would get it done in spite of yourself. What was the goal? What was it about you that made it work in that situation? What does that tell you about the goals that work for you? In what ways have you tried to set goals that didn’t work for you? Reflecting on what goals you HAVE achieved instead of those you HAVE NOT, what does that tell you about how you should set goals in the future?

This last week I had a chance to spend some very intense and amazing time with a friend of mine who is a senior business leader. That doesn’t mean he’s a senior in high school who leads in business, but for those of you who need it bottom shelf like me, it means he’s occupied some pretty high level roles in the organizations where he has served. One of the most intriguing conversations we had (of which we had many) was around the question of sacrifice and what sacrifice looks like in the lives of leaders. The question we kept coming back to was this. Does sacrifice have to hurt? In other words, is it possible to think about the idea of sacrifice without the necessity of it hurting or having some potentially painful cost for the person doing the sacrificing?
It’s a really interesting question isn’t it? Does sacrifice have to hurt? If not, why not? Is it enough to take on a servant’s heart as a person, and if so, is that the same as taking on a sacrificial heart as a person? When calculating the cost of leading others and the personal cost to you of living a sacrificial life as proposed in Philippians 2 from the Bible, does it have to hurt? I’ll leave the response to you experts!