A few weeks back, my wife Jackie and I were watching the US Open golf tournament. I don’t play golf very well, but I love to watch golf sometimes…mostly because it makes me feel like I’m on vacation because of all the grass, beaches, palm trees, and ponds that look like swimming pools. Anyway, we had actually been watching for about an hour, and had begun to witness what we had seen so many times before…Tiger Woods coming after playing poorly earlier in the week. At one point, I looked at Jackie and said, “It’s amazing how many times he’s done this. I mean, he has this uncanny ability to hit the right shots when it counts……Amazing!” We watched him once again come back all the way to the last hole where he was shooting to force a playoff the next day. We were both on the edge of our seats watching. Then, he sinks a 30 foot putt to force the playoff, and the crowd got absolutely nuts. We were both floored, and again I said, “It’s UNCANNY honey, he does this every time. I feel like I’ve seen him do this over and over again!” And then one moment later the coverage broke away to a still camera on an empty golf course with rain falling in the background, and a voice said, “And we’re back live during the rain delay at the 2009 US Open. We hope you enjoyed our coverage of the Tiger Woods comeback at the 2008 Open.” Yes, we were watching last year’s tournament, and yes, we did watch it together last yearL

There are so many questions about identity that this raises for me. First, is my identity, the sum of my experiences, my accomplishments, or even one major success or failure? If so, what does my experience with the US Open tell me about me? To what extent do other people impact who I am? If I make a foolish mistake in front of other people, does that make me a fool? Is the label I place on myself or the labels placed on me by others the sum total of who I am? If I’m Michael Jackson, is who I am “the king of pop?” If I’m Farrah Fawcet, is who I am the woman in the red bathing suit or the Angel who left before the first season was over? Is that who I am? Even though much of what I’ve experienced may or may not be true?

Identity is so important to us that we have an entire racket called “identity theft.” And just think of the last time you heard someone say, “who do you think you are anyway?” The fact is that your identity matters. It matters because it ultimately impacts what you do. So, consider four questions.

1. Who are you? – Be honest, what labels do you put on yourself, both good and not so good? Just make a list of the top 10 labels you put on yourself and throw in a few that some trusted others put on you.
2. What are you most afraid of losing? – In what ways does fear have a hold on your identity and charting the course for your life?
3. Whose are you? – To whom do you belong? Who are you associated with? To what extent are you so concerned about what other people think that you have lost yourself?
4. What label would God put on you? – If your Creator came up to you and whispered your name in your ear and said, “[insert your name], you are                                 .”  What would God say? If God said, you are acceptable, you are valuable, you are forgivable, you are loved, could you believe it? If you believed it, what difference could that make?

One of the rules in my fifth grade class was that anyone who falls back in their chair will lose it for the day. This, of course, triggered all sorts of questions in the heart of one eleven-year-old boy, “What would happen if everybody fell over in their chairs on the same day? How would a teacher be able to punish the whole class? Would all the chairs even fit behind the teacher’s desk?” The next day, believe it or not, that very thing happened. First Kelly Cook lost his chair, then Paul Yost fell over in his chair, then everybody but one person in Mr. Olson’s fifth grade class had their chairs topple over before lunchtime. It turned out, if the chairs were stacked on top of each other, all of them did fit behind the teacher’s desk and the whole class could be punished. In fact, the next day when we arrived back at school ready to retrieve our chairs we met a teacher who said that there were still some lessons to be learned about safety. Two weeks later, our chairs were finally returned after everyone had composed an essay about the significant dangers of leaning back in one’s chair. But oh the power that we all felt over those ten days was worth it!

Sometimes we just have to rebel. We shout with our actions – we find our voice. This isn’t the kind of rebellion that is meant to hurt other people. This is rebellion that says we have a choice, we have control, we decide. Just when people think we are boring and predictable, we can choose to follow a different path.

Sometimes, we just have to push the boundaries to assert who we are the world. In his book, Crossing the Unknown Sea, the poet David Whyte writes,

“To live with courage in any work or in any organization, we must know intimately the part of us that does not give a damn about the organization or the work….With a healthy outlaw approach, we are outside the laws of predicable cause and effect and inside the intensity of creative originality. We have a gleam in our eye; we look to the edges of things; no one really knows what we are up to. We see with the eyes of those who do not quite below. We are dangerous again, and glad to be so.”

Psychologists through the decades have reflected on the human need for self-determination. Other research has consistently shown the advantages of having a sense of agency and control. So, take a few minutes and consider where you might want to assert your will, to find your voice, maybe for no other reason than it sounds like fun. It may require you to break a few rules that need to be broken, to dance your own dance, or sing along to a favorite song no matter who is watching in the car next to you. It might require a little bit of risk, a little bit of stupidity.

 When I was a rebel. Reflect back on some of the times early in your life when you were a rebel—not to hurt people—but to exert your own voice.

Shock & awe. Just once this week, say out loud what everyone else is thinking but no one is courageous enough to say out loud. See what happens.

Break a little glass every day. I worked with an executive who made this one of his personal mantras. For him, it meant making sure he wasn’t just going along with the crowd. He was willing to speak the truth as he saw it.

Take back your day. One day this month, clear your calendar. Spend the day on the most important things at work and let the daily fires take care of themselves, just this once. For bonus points, make sure this is day where you skip at least one meeting where people won’t miss you. After all, we miss work all of the time when we are sick and somehow the organization survives without us. Yet, we never give ourselves permission to take a day to focus on the things that really matter in our jobs and lives. What would happen if you did?

Say no. Find something that you won’t do this week. Practice saying no. How did it feel?

Take a day to play. If you have kids, take one day this year to wake them up early in the morning to spend a special day with you. You won’t do it regularly, but this one day might just create a memory that lasts long into the future.

[1] Whyte, D. (2001). Crossing the unknown sea: Work as a pilgrimage of identity. New York: Riverhead Books.

[1] Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (1985). Intrinsic motivation and self determination in human behavior. New Yourk: Plenaum Press.

[1] See Bandura, A. (1982). Self-efficacy mechanism in human agency. American Psychologist, 27, 122-147. See also Ng, T. W. H., Sorensen, K. L., & Eby, L. T. (2006). Locus of control at work: A meta-analysis. Journal of Organizational Behavior, 27, 1057-1087. 

[1] Whyte, D. (2001). Crossing the unknown sea: Work as a pilgrimage of identity. New York: Riverhead Books.

[1] Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (1985). Intrinsic motivation and self determination in human behavior. New Yourk: Plenaum Press.

[1] See Bandura, A. (1982). Self-efficacy mechanism in human agency. American Psychologist, 27, 122-147. See also Ng, T. W. H., Sorensen, K. L., & Eby, L. T. (2006). Locus of control at work: A meta-analysis. Journal of Organizational Behavior, 27, 1057-1087.